Since the first day, I really thought it couldn't be a good year, and I was right. 2013 started bad and during most of the months, I was in a constant fight with myself. I've never felt this way before so I didn't know how to fix this situation.
I was into the new year after ups and downs, a break up and fights with someone I used to be friend. During this year I have cursed the distance. It's really hard explain your truth when you are not in the correct place. That's one of the things I learned, you need to resolve the problems in person, not via internet or phone. Maybe it sounds stupid but I felt impotent about everything that came.
In January I was fucking angry with everyone. I've never understood why someone who is supposed to be your friend, try to fuck up you with lies, and telling personal things to everyone and more without reason. After that, the worst part was that nobody was by my side and obviously nobody tried even to defend me. So I couldn't trust anyone anymore.
More later, some family issues came and I started to remember the worst thing that happened in my life, back in 2011. For the first time in two years I had a really important conversation. I couldn't be stronger any time more and I told was going on. Probably it was the most difficult two days of the year, and one more time I was devasted and in thousand pieces.
I tried to move on, believe me, I really tried, but at some point my mind decided to remember episodes of my life. The worst ones, it couldn't be the other way. So I was fucking sad again and I fought over the memories every single day. This time no one had the fault, except myself.
The result of constant shit was that I felt totally lost. It's really hard for me talk about my feelings and I was scared about someone could hurt me again, so I prefered don't explain anything. Of course, I was so wrong. That was a bad decision, but I really couldn't explain everything to anyone.
Now the year is ending and I want to start 2014 well. I'm having positive vibes about some personal projects and I feel well. I'm not going to be selfish, I'm trying to be the better person I can, showing love to the people I care, worrying about them and trying to make them happy. That's all.
Probably nobody is reading this post but anyway, I wish to all of you the best of 2014.